That Which Was Evil Was Made Good

On August 20, 2010 I posted this on facebook . I decided that the people in my sphere of influence will know me a little better through this note and maybe it will bring healing to someone, which is always my goal. I really hold my heart on sleeve here. It makes me vulnerable and I don’t care anymore.

I am going to the park tonight about the same time it all happened, like I do every year.

I am writing a letter to them and sending my love for them and humanity out to the universe tonight when I place a candle on the little brass plaque in their honor.

I want my grandchild to come with me. But I don’t want her to see me cry like this. There is the deepest shade of blue in this cry and no one that loves me should ever hear me cry this way. I don’t think I am ready to share these tears with my loved ones, ever.

My letter I left on the plaque that commemorates their deaths:

“Today is the 30th anniversary of my friends murders and my being shot by a racist serial killer. My friends always walk with me this day in August. I miss them. They were so young (19 & 20) when they were killed for being black. By the grace of the Goddess I am alive and they are not. I survived and lived to experience a full life with my two beautiful daughters and granddaughter. Ted and Dave didn’t. Their parents and loved ones miss them every single day and especially today.

The man that killed them used the n word with the same inflection in his voice that “Dr Laura” used when she addressed a caller who was hurt by insensitive people who used that word around her. She was black and her husband white. It has really struck a nerve with me…

So I send this message out to the vast space of the internet from Martin Luther King to offset the residual energy of racism left here from that horrible reflection of “Dr. Laura’s” ignorant, veiled, racist mentality.

“Let us all hope the dark clouds racial prejudice will soon pass away & the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear drenched communities. In some not to distant tomorrow, the radiant stars of love & brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.”

Rest in peace Ted & Dave. You are missed dearly. Never forgotten.

“The Safest Place” a song by Sade

(See the video and hear this amazing song at the bottom of this page)

“In my heart
Your love has found
The safest hiding place
Inside is a field
And trees and a lake
Around is a wall
No-one from Hell could break
In there you shine
In there you cry
My heart has been a lonely warrior
Who’s been to war
So you can be sure
In my heart your love has found
The safest hiding place
Inside is a stream
Around is a wall
No one from hell could break
In there will shine, the light of Heaven’s eye
And there you will cry,
“My heart’s been a lonely warrior
Who’s been to war”
So you can be sure
Your love’s in a sacred place
The safest hiding place”



There are some things in my life that are surfacing I think I should write about tonight. Praying is helping me clear away the clutter of my triggers, my core issues.

Tonight I realized how trauma has created a survivors guilt that has sunk it’s razor sharp teeth into me. It cuts past the bone to my soul. I started praying that I could find and repair the origin of feeling like I have to fight for my survival, my feelings of being forgotten and unprotected, trapped and fearful.

I prayed so deeply that at one point in the prayer I was weeping with a deep reverence for the gift of absolution and forgiveness  revealed to me. I just had to sit and cry quietly and softly with the knowing that the terror and trauma involved was being cleansed and made into a lesson for me. This gift revealed was not the story of the murders. But forgiveness of all involved in that event.

While processing this, I realized that with years of self help books and counseling, I forgave the serial killer and the people who blamed me….but I never forgave me for accepting the blame and silencing the suffering in my heart. I didn’t realize I needed to forgive me, the 15 year old girl of my past.

When I said the prayer for my survivors guilt to be released and resolved, I held that 15 year old in my heart while I said another prayer to let her know that I forgave her and asked for her forgiveness of me for ignoring her, too.

I unlocked the door to the prison where her little spirit lived.

The murders of Ted and Dave was a responsibility to heavy for her tiny shoulders to bear. This was not her responsibility. But she assumed it.

For over 30 years I have tried to forget that night. Every time I drive by the park where they were murdered, I get a pit in my stomach as I drive over the crosswalk where they died and I was shot.

I felt helpless that night. But I am not helpless. I can’t make the world safe and whole. I can try my best but I don’t rule the world. I can’t take painful lessons for others so that they won’t have to experience life and it’s consequences. I wished I could. But I accept this truth for my healing.

Which leads me to the end. In the end, I took 15 year old Terry with me to play in the sun and hike with me in the mountains, today. She is just a young girl. I want her next to me always.  I choose to cherish and protect her spirit. I choose Heaven. She is in Heaven with me, now.

Thank you Spirit. Thank you God from whom all blessings flow.

A good friend sent me the link to this article in the paper yesterday. Someone read my letter and contacted a reporter at the Salt Lake Tribune….But when the reporter arrived at the plaque the letter was gone. The article asks who wrote the letter and what it said.

So I sent the writer a copy of the letter I left at the plaque.

The night I left the letter was so challenging. NO ONE was there. NO ONE left anything for them in remembrance of their brief lives and tragic deaths for the first time EVER.

I arrived at the same time the event happened that night. A flood of memories came over me, scenes of a nightmare. So vivid. So real. I could hear their voices and remember the conversations we had throughout the night until we came to the crosswalk where they were murdered. I could see the brilliant red blood against the black pavement and white painted lines. I can remember their last words they spoke before they left this place. I saw everything unfold in front of me. My past and my present. I stayed for a while and cried as quiet as I could.

Only one of the two trees that were planted, one on each side of the plaque, was still there. The other was removed last year, it was sick and died. I hope to get the parks department to plant another, even if I have to donate it and plant it myself.

I received a call from the reporter from the article about my letter I left at the park. I posted a comment under the user id of ONELOVE. I said I was the one that left the letter, the candle and the crystal.
I didn’t give my contact info to the public view. But I had to leave my email address for the registration of the Salt Lake Tribunes comment access. I posted the letter and the words to the “Safest Place” song, I included what was on the last blog posting before this posting.Within 15 minutes of sending my comment as I was driving on my way to my counselors office I received a call from the reporter.
She said that my comment and letter brought her to tears (which she said never happens to an old newshound reporter like herself) and she thought what I had to say should be heard. She asked for an interview. I told her that I was on my way to an appointment and I would contact her if I felt okay to discuss the letter.

I called her after my counseling session. We met within an hour and discussed everything regarding the letter and the story of Ted and Dave and where I am in terms of the post traumatic stress disorder. I felt good about the hour and a half interview. I asked her not to use any name but Terry in her article.

Why am I so scared?

I talked to my counselor about everything. We went deep into so many core issues I felt like I was renewed with strength in knowing my truth and my willingness to speak it. I know I shocked him with my growth and he mentioned how far I have come in the last 3 sessions. I gave him thanks and said that he was the one that I had to thank for that growth. He said, “Well I will take 5% of the credit and I think you earned 95% of the rest”. I agreed and smiled.

My heart dwells here….in Heaven…..

Below is the link to follow up article about my friends and me…..McEntee: A witness to racism asks us to confront hatred

The truths that speak to your heart and makes you pay attention to the Light…..

I received a forwarded email from the reporter, below. It was  from TED’S FATHER!!!!! I just sent him my response below. I am tripping out! In a good way, though

Hi Peg,
My name is Mr. Fields and I am sure you are familiar with that name. I just read your article in, I believe today’s edition of the Tribune. I was actually in Salt Lake visiting relatives last week on the 20thwhich was the 30th anniversary of Ted’s and Dave’s murders. I had no idea that anyone in Salt Lake still remembered them. I would love to either talk to or email Terry. I appreciated her so much. I really did not know her personally but a while after the slayings, she and a friend came to visit me at the church
where I was pastor and shared condolences with me. We talked a while, hugged,
and she and her friend cried. That’s the last time I ever saw her. Initially she
and her friend were a little reluctant to come see me because so many people
tried to make them feel guilty and wanted to put some of the blame on them. I
had to sit down and straighten out some of my own family members for trying to
persecute those two girls. They were Ted’s and David’s friends who were just
jogging in the park that evening. Terry is a marvelous person and I will always
love and appreciate her for all she did during the trial. Ted and David were
blessed to have her for a friend. Thank you so much for your interest and the
article you published.  I also left a message on your voice mail. Hope to hear
from you soon.
Well hello there, Mr. Fields.
I don’t know what to say.
My cup runneth over…
Thank you so much for the letter. I cried as I read it to my daughter. I will call you tomorrow. I just checked my email for the first time since 2pm today. You brought Light into a challenging day. I thank you for that.
I don’t know if you have a copy of the letter I left on the plaque. So I wanted to forward it to you. You can find it on the comment section in the first article. But I wanted you to be sure and get it. This has been a challenging and healing year for me.
I think it is interesting that it happens to be on the 30 year anniversary and here we are again discussing the residual energy of racism.
I have been allowing prayer in my life and everything is changing for the better so quickly. But this is above and beyond anything I could imagine. I want you to know that this is the first year that the plaque wasn’t covered with candles stories and notes from many people. I go there every year that I have lived here and if I was in another place I lit a candle and said a prayer.

No Ted and Dave were NEVER – EVER forgotten.

My opinion is that we will evolve as a society. We will rationally acknowledge and discuss the history and effects of racism and other hate related energies and crimes on our economy, humanity, the sacredness of life and spirit.

For me,these are the truths that speak to my heart and makes me pay attention to the Light that brought us here and will escort us on the way home.

By the way, I was not the girl you speak of in your letter. It may have been my friend who was with us that night or one of my sisters. Don’t you think that is a testament to the far reaching the effects of racism?

With much love and admiration, I look forward to speaking with you soon.
Best Regards,

I just received this email below, from the reporter. I left a message for the lady who sent it. I am kind of scared but I will be a part of this march. I know God is walking with me.
Hi Peg,
Your article on this horrific crime was very touching.
The Coalition of Utah Progressives, is sponsoring a Commemorative/Memorial March this Saturday, to honor Dr. Martin Luther Kings “I have a dream,”speech and to place flowers at the plaque that has memorialized the spot where Ted and David were murdered, 30 years ago. It would be an honor to invite the woman that stills bares the scars of this tragic event to attend. If you would be so kind to ask her if she would e-mail me I would be so grateful.
Peggy Wilson

I spoke to Peggy Wilson and she asked me to be an honored speaker at the event. The letter they found on the plaque started this whole thing.
I talked to my aunt about this and said, “the only thing that could make this nearly perfect is if Ted’s father was there. But he lives in out of state now and it is short notice.
The march is tomorrow.

But then…..I spoke to Ted’s father.Words fail me now. Until now, we have  never spoken to each other.

He was so wonderful. So kind, forgiving and gracious. He is a pastor and he is a grandfather of 16 biological grandchildren. I didn’t know it but Ted had sisters. It was such a beautiful conversation.

Tears overflowed. Pure joy. He said he wanted to meet me and that we would be lifelong friends. He said that he was scheduled for 2 speaking engagements but canceled them as soon as he heard about the march today. He will speak with me at the march. Several of his family members from several states will be joining us!

My father came to the event. He was accompanied by three men from the motorcycle club to watch over me.

No matter what happens I know that this is a miracle in the making. I am not alone and I am so completely humbled and grateful.

I feel Heaven all around me.


I just talked to Ted’s father. He is flying in to speak at the march in the park tomorrow. I am also going to be speaking at the event.

Our conversation was so absolutely beautiful. I feel like someone just removed the biggest piece of broken glass from my heart and filled the void with Golden Light.

For those of you who can attend I hope you will be there. For those of you who can’t you will be missed.

Love Terry



Thank you so much for coming to support the celebration of the 47th anniversary of Dr Martin Luther Kings I have a dream speech.

Until recently August has been a challenging month for me. My friends always walk with me in August. I miss them. They were so young (18 & 20) when they were killed for being black. By Divine Grace, I am alive and they are not. At the age of 15 I survived. I lived to experience a full life with my husband, two beautiful daughters & granddaughter. Ted and Dave didn’t. Their parents and loved ones miss them every single day and especially today.

August 20th was the 30th anniversary of their tragic murders and me being shot by a racist serial killer. At that corner, in the middle of the street, their blood was shed and they went to the Light. I stayed here, reluctantly.

I come here every year on the anniversary. This year I left a note, a candle and a crystal on the plaque. I arrived at the same time the event happened that night. A flood of memories came over me, scenes of a nightmare. So vivid. So real. I could hear their voices and remember the conversations we had throughout the evening until we came to the crosswalk where they were murdered. I could see their brilliant red blood against the black pavement and white painted lines. I can remember their laughter, their voices, their last words they spoke before they left this plain. I saw everything unfold in front of me. My past and my present.

I stayed for awhile and remembered the scenes of that night and the devastation it left in its wake. Racism is real to me. It is tangible to me.

The man that murdered Ted and Dave used the n word with the same inflection in his tone of voice that “Dr Laura” used when she addressed a caller who was hurt by insensitive people who used that word around her. The caller was black and her husband white. Dr Laura told the caller to “not be so sensitive.” and “If you’re that sensitive maybe you shouldn’t have married outside of your race.” That comment really struck a nerve with me… Will we ever just be one race…The human race. Don’t we all have red blood? When its donated and accepted there is no race attached to the type of blood it is…. We all bleed the same color.

I saw an interview with Dr Laura talking about taking back her rights to free speech.  Sara Palin stands with her on this issue. The n word is okay to use in Sara’s house but not the r word. We all know that words are powerful. They can leave you feeling like you are on top of the world or on the brink of killing something. We know this.

Clearly though, with the infamous Dr Laura n word incident we know we have a long way to go. I don’t know about you, but I had to force myself to listen to her disgraceful behavior and advice to one of her fans.

Why are we tolerating hate speech? Why do our political leaders shy away from creating protection for those who are effected by hate related crimes and affronts? We are at a point in time where we must rationally acknowledge and discuss the history and effects of racism and other hate related energies and crimes, on our economy, community, humanity, the sacredness of life and spirit.

In many civilized countries it is against the law to be racist. It is a crime. It is a crime that America is not one of those civilized nations. Someday I hope that the United States of America will stand with the HUMAN RACE and protect us all.

Today we celebrate a speech that is a part of our nations history. A speech that brought about civil rights in our country. It stirs you to a place of understanding the far reaching effects of racism. Even though it was written in 1963 many of the truths Dr King spoke of are still true today.

Some people say that now that we have a black president that racism is gone. Like a magic wand waived over us all and it disappeared. Wouldn’t that be nice? But racism is like cancer. If you don’t address it immediately it will grow until it kills. We are in need of rational dialogue to kill it once and for all. We have to talk about it.

My children know some of my pain over this event in my life. Of course sometimes as a mother, my pain is their pain, unfortunately. But when I look at them I see them as Life’s perfect union of all that is good in humanity. Our family is like many in our country. We are fortunate to have the rich colorful hues of strong black, Mexican, Indian and white ancestors that created the ties of who we are physically, emotionally and spiritually. We come from a long line of open minded love. By life experience alone I know that love is not the color of skin, it’s the color of water.

For me, these are the timeless truths that speak to my heart and make me pay attention to the Light, that brought us here and will escort us on the way home.

I think Dr King said it best in 1963-

“Let us all hope the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away & the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear drenched communities. In some not to distant tomorrow, the radiant stars of love & brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.”

Rest in peace Dr King, Ted Fields & Dave Martin. You are missed dearly. We have never and will never forget you.

Day After the Speech


Yesterday was interesting. I feel absolutely drained in both a good and bad way. I haven’t slept for 3 nights. I’ve cried for four days and had a horrible migraine since the night before I entered the park until about 11 am today when I finally went to sleep. My father stayed for the ceremony and wore his colors. Several of the members of my fathers motorcycle club came to shake hands with the victims families. My father, former motor cycle club president, broke down when I gave my speech. I haven’t ever seen him cry over the murders. Actually, a lot of people were moved to tears including the reporters and photographers.
There was a wave of love and forgiveness in the air. I was so glad my father was there. There weren’t a lot of people there. But it was a beautiful moment in my life. One that I will treasure forever.
Everyone in the families asked for copies of my speech and pictures. They left saying that my family has grown and so has theirs. We hope to all be lifelong friends.
It was challenging though. Many people at the ceremony were people that openly wished me dead, refused to allow me to go to the funerals, persecuted me, plotted revenge against me, set me up to get assaulted, drove by my house in the middle of the night with guns, etc, back then.
The memories of feeling unjustly accused, trapped and fighting for my survival were almost choking me. But I chose to just let it go. Let forgiveness become the energy of the day. It seemed the right thing to do.

Later when I went home I looked on the internet and found that my whole name was printed on the stories on the internet and on the news. They cut out my speech and just said that my speech said I miss them on the news. That’s it. UGH!!!!! 😦

I came home exhausted from the march and my speech.

My head was throbbing with fearful thoughts about my info (possibly my kids info) being in cyber space. I tossed and turned, sudden fever and fatigue was sucking the life force out of me. I kept going over the night in my head. Something wasn’t right.

I just want to rest right now. So I will rest and pray and choose Heaven.

New Beginnings

Conversations with Ted’s Family

Hi Terry,
It was so great to see you. I’m so happy to have you as a friend. I got back home about 7:15 tonight (Sunday).Will call you in a few days.
Love you much,
T. (Ted’s father)
It was a beautiful moment in my life and my fathers to meet you and your family. My dad called me and said that he didn’t realize how much pain he had over the misinformation and gossip that the media frenzy created. You really impressed him and the three men who came to support all of us. I’ve never seen my father cry over this incident. But then, we really don’t talk about it at least until now.

It hurts to see him hurt and vice versa. Someone told me my father cried behind me while I read the speech. I guess that’s what we do. Keep it to ourselves.

But I hope that is a thing of the past, now. I am going to see if I can get some photos from the photographer who took them at the park.

My whole extended family is thrilled and excited to meet you.

My father asked me to pass along his info.

He’s old school, no computer, no emailI hope you let me know if you are ever in town. I would love to see you.


Thanks for accepting my friend request. I am sorry that I did not get to meet you this past weekend and I hope that someday we can meet.
M. (Ted’s sister)
I hope we can meet too. It was beautiful to become friends finally.

I have thought of you so much over the years. We will always be connected because of that terrible tragedy. (from Ted’s sister)
I used to try not to think about so many things related to that incident. But I feel like this has become something that allows closure.

My father called me today and said how happy he was to meet your father. He said he didn’t realize how much pain he was in still, overall the lies and misinformation that was sent out in the media back then. Not to mention the whole incident to begin with.

He had no other people that knew his pain like your dad and Dave’s dad. The city was erupting back then. Everyone carrying guns. Blacks on one side….whites on the other. Terrifying really.

I think that is what racism is good at….terrorizing people, working them into a frenzied confused state of mind and creating chaos.I am sending my speech to several media contacts I have out here. I was disappointed to see the that they didn’t address my points. However, in their defense there was a horrible gun related incident at the capital and around the city that day.

It blows my mind how many people die violently at the hands of someone not dealing with their post traumatic stress disorder. That’s what caused JPF to became insane enough to kill your wonderful brother.

I don’t know what it is, but I believe, right now God is asking us all to pay attention. I think I am supposed to make some people pay attention to these issues. They are all appendages of the same core issue, ignorance.

Well ignorance is curable. All we have to do is educate.

Anyway, I hope I get to meet you someday in person. Your family is beautiful. I loved looking at your old family photos and seeing Ted. Do you have more pictures of him?


Yes it was awesome. I never dreamed it could be like this. I went to visit his grave before I came home. I said a prayer for you also. I pray that you will have a healing from all that you have been through. One thing I have learned is that it is never too late for closure and healing. I am so glad to have met you, sorry you have suffered so much. I believe our meeting will continue to help all of us to heal. (from Ted’s beautiful mother)


The march went well. It was quiet and small. Beautiful and sincere. There was closure and new beginnings. I walked away with a larger family. I never thought it would (or could) be this way. Never in a million years. So if you see new friends on my facebook with the last name of Fields or Martin you’ll know how much they are a part of me even though we just met.

It was mind blowing to see my father hug Ted’s father. To see him break down and have another father that truly knew his pain from that horrible night.
As I said to Ted Sr, “my cup runneth over.” I feel so blessed. I just thought I should share this with you, because of your continued love and support.

After the march in the park another follow up article was written in the Salt Lake Tribune

Below is the link to the article in the paper. The link has a few pictures of the event and the people involved.

My speech was posted on the Salt Lake Tribune Website!

Little miracles

My father called me yesterday. He was so different. He said he never cared for religions especially Christianity. He said that meeting with Ted’s father and another pastor at the ceremony made him feel differently. He asked me if I would go to church with him when he comes here again.
YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED ME OVER WITH A FEATHER when I heard him say that. My father, the former president of a motorcycle club, is not someone that has seen a church service of his own volition since before I was born.

I sent this message to Ted’s parents:

I just wanted to let you know what a pleasure it was to meet your family I look forward to your friendship.


Thank you so much Terry. When you spoke, it was with such passion, sincerity,and feeling. Ted’s mother and I have certainly fell in love with you and your beautiful family.  I look forward to our relationship growing deeper. Blessings to you and your family.

Hi Mr Fields,

It truly is a blessing to have your family in my life. My father is over the moon with joy to become friends with you. It meant the world to me to see him there. I feel that he has been healed too. He and his sister have asked for your number. I hope it is okay that I passed it along.

My Aunt will probably be calling you soon. She lives near you and she’s so excited to get to know you.

What was evil has become good. Isn’t that they way when you accept Heaven?
I look forward to long happy life knowing you and your family.

Hi Sweetie,
I just got off of the phone with your dad and spoke with your aunt for about 15 or 20 minutes before that. What a treat it is for me to connect with my new extended family. I believe that God brought us together because there is a new richness in all of our lives because of last Saturday evening. Your aunt only lives about 20-25 minutes from me. We’re going to get together. Also, I’m going to make arrangements to go to Montana soon. I have only passed through that state.
I will definitely be visiting you every time I come to Utah. Ted and David would be so pleased and proud of the things you said on Saturday. You and people like you are going to be a great force in helping this society overcome racism. Stay in touch. Love you so much.


How terrific that they connected with you. I know that my father is changed from this most humbling experience. I hope you like Montana. It is truly special.

I felt like Ted & Dave spoke through me when I wrote the speech. I am looking into avenues of expanding this experience through a book or documentary. I’ll keep you posted on it.

My aunt is excited to meet with you.

I am so thankful we are able to connect in such a divine way. I know that Ted and
Dave are smiling as they walk with us everyday.

The parks department called today to say that they are replacing one of the trees on the side of the plaque. It died. So they are finding one that is the same size and species as the healthy one. That’s about an $800 tree. A pastor originally paid for and installed the original trees and plaque. The city wasn’t involved in any monetary or labor contribution towards the original tree’s and plaque. They were placed near the northwest corner where we were shot.They will plant it in the fall or spring. We are trying to put together a reunion for everyone involved when it’s planted.This is just amazing

Fate whispers to me….

I am gathering some great ideas for my book. I feel a lot of trepidation right now. I have been connected with the other girl that was with me the night we went jogging. We were best friends when the murders occurred. We lost contact after that time in our lives.
I am kind of overwhelmed with what she has said to me and I am sad. Very, sad. She said, “Do you realize that you and I are members of a very small and unique group of people? Survivors of serial killers are rare, Terry. We stared into the eyes of evil hatred and survived it. You are so brave. I am proud of the woman you’ve become”.
As I reflect on this experience I see the past with new eyes. That which was evil was made good, just like it says in the bible.
Today  and all days I choose Heaven, always and in all ways.
Click on the black screen and then click the words “Watch YouTube” to see and hear this amazing song
No rights or copy rights to  Sade song
© Terry Jackson-Mitchell and, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Terry Jackson -Mitchell and

One response to “That Which Was Evil Was Made Good

  1. Pingback: Justice For Some? Art Exhibit At Art Access Gallery | Terry Jackson Mitchell Eportfolio

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